at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
