Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
