yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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