It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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