I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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