Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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