I am spending my child support on dildos
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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