I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
