i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
