I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Vodka?
Forever.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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