1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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