____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
