Just cropdusted the office
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Randomize
