you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
