So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
