why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
