I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
