hotel room ftw
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
