What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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