i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
