The maid of honor just puked.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
