i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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