In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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