I CAN MOONWALK!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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