I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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