real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I can tuck mytits in my pants
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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