I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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