quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
