Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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