your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He? As in you personified your dick?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
