im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
