Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
