I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
