Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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