do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
