lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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