What a fucking waste of an outfit
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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