If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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