Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Im part way to drunk.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
