You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
