you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
