We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
