im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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