The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
