Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
