so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
