Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
