Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
this boner is exhausting
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
