Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I want a musical about memes.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
