I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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