Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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