Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
