Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
